1906. 09042010.

I was given hope but denied of a chance right from the beginning..

and yet.. it was hope that kept me holding on.. tightening my grip.. how ironic..

But right now.. I feel that I've lost everything that's worth fighting for..

There's nothing else i can do right? I don't have a choice, do i?

I hate the fact that life sucks sometimes..

and life gives you shit sometimes..

I need time. Lots of it.

* ineedtovent. *

-1 Ling-

31032010. 1927.

1. Words- They mean a lot to me.. So.. if you don't mean it.. Don't say it.. I might just take it too seriously when I shouldn't have. Don't make me empty promises.

2. I have high expectations. On myself and on people that I care for. Too high that I get crushed when you or me, myself don't meet it. I'm still in the process of learning to not expect that much.

3. I am fragile. Even when I think I am growing to be stronger, tougher.. I am still fragile.. I'm still the same old wanling that cries when she gets hurt.

4. When I say I care, it also means that you mean a lot to me. I don't expect you to be there for me all the time.. But at least.. don't just walk away from me. I don't like to be left hanging.

5. I'm just a girl.. that is foolish enough to believe in fairy tales, happy endings and beautiful words even though I've been let down again and again. I need to be reminded.. that reality is harsh.

* If you think that i'm damn emo right now.. Yes. I am.. Sorry.. But allow me to vent. *

-1 Ling-

1619. 27032009.

Something random that i would like to pen down before i let it pass again. =)

I was waiting for the lifts at Vista and there's this Caucasian guy who's.. I think at my father's age.. walked into the lobby with luggages and all.

When the lift doors opened and the people inside stepped out..

I waited for him to get in first..

But instead.. He smiled and gestured for me to go first..

I thought: Caucasians are different. xp

So I smiled politely and said thank you,

stepping into the lift first with him following behind..

Dragging his luggages into the lift..

"Can you press 15 for me please.. thank you.."

Again, I smiled and said welcome.

We started chatting.. with him asking me: "So how are you today?"

"I'm good." I replied, smiling.

*Instantly.. I thought of you. How you used to always ask me 'how are you?'.. and to come think of it.. now that you don't ask me that often anymore.. i'm missing it.. haha..*

So the conversation went on with him asking me how's studies.

"I'm doing ok.. coping.. "

"That's the most important thing.. Trying to cope even when things get hard.. " he said with an encouraging smile..

I would love to continue the conversation.. but the lift doors opened at my floor. I have to say goodbye.. =)

"I'll see you around.."

"Ok.. Have a nice day.."

I thought that was a nice and friendly encounter.. Isn't it? =)

A stranger he is. But that managed to make me smile and brightened my day.

***

On another note, I got this a few days ago. It came all the way from Australia..

Thankew Bernie. =)

Come Monday and it's the start of a challenging week. Good luck, wanling!! =)

And now for the time being.. Back to reading guidelines. XD

Till then.

-1 Ling-

0132. 25032010.

I've been busy busy busy.

With what exactly.. I don't know..

But its like everything came together..

and one has to be taken care of after another..

I'm not really complaining.. I guess I need a lil distraction right now..

and work seems to do the trick..

March is indeed a hectic month.. almost suffocating..

With the amount of work to juggle..

and the ups and downs of emotions..

It does drain me sometimes.. But i'm not defeated.. yet. Haha.

Owh well.. Life goes on.. I'll survive. =)

Through it all.. I'm actually glad to have little little things make my day..

like this one. =)

Thankew. =)

*Sometimes I can't help but wonder..

what's on your mind when you wander down that quiet corridor..*

Just ranting before the next round of work come my way and i have to work late into the night again. When i'll be so sleep deprived and i'll start walking around like a zombie again. haha.

Till then. =)

-1 Ling-

Random.

Had a one day Hospital Visit to HUKM for my Cancer Chemotherapy Module on Wednesday..

Was at the oncology ward for the morning..

The lab partner and I were lucky enough to be given the chance to participate in the grand ward round.. =)

We saw several patients and one told us this when we interviewed her..

" 患上癌症就要勇敢地去接受它。面对它。解决它。然后放下它。"

That is something my mum always tells me when I'm down..

when I face challenges.. when I'm in trouble..

Honestly, I can't help but miss her. =)

* You. Putting myself in your shoes.. Seeing through your eyes..

I understand how you feel.. *

Work has been piling up lately.. and there are times when i feel like i need a break..

Hmm.. That will come soon.. And i'm looking forward to it.. =)

Till then.

Something to share. =)

-1 Ling-

Thoughts.

There are some things in life that are just meant to be..

but what happens when you just wanna go against it?

I don't wanna give up just yet.. really.. I'm not ready to just let it go yet..

Aih.. I'm caught in the middle.. rite? hmm..

A familiar smile after a long day is always comforting.. yes?

Haha. Thankew.

-1Ling-

THAT moment. When i'm home.. =)

owh dear. my blog is being neglected once again.

i can see it dying off. aiihh..

Anyway. That aside. I'm back in Penang for a week of CNY holidays which... ends tomorrow.

I arrived right at my doorstep at 8.30am on Saturday and was greeted by a bright but soft "hello" from somewhere above me. I looked up and saw a smiling Mum looking down from the balcony. I laughed and said:"开门啦.." That was all it took to make me laugh and to tell me that I'm HOME. =)

Jason left after dropping me off and exchanging a brief hello with my mum. After the gate was opened.. Guess what were the first words that my mum said? "ei..你的handbag 很美hor.." LOL. Then.. it was followed with "你看我做的扇子美吗？美叻.." LOL. and it went on and on with her telling me what kind of decoration she has done.. What has she done to my room.. What kind of cookies she had bought for CNY.. Her voice and gentle pats on my arm accompanied me from the gate to the front door and all the way to my room.. I thought she was cute and funny.. Haha. I felt the warmth of home instantly..

Heaving my heavy luggage up the stairs.. I think I woke Han up. He limped out of his room still rubbing his eyes and stretching. "Heyylloooo parasite!!" I greeted. I frowned at the sight of his ankle and i remembered mum told me the night before that he sprained his ankle while playing badminton in college. Anyway.. the parasite turned his gaze to my direction, grunted something and headed back into his room. LOL. That is Han. Sigh.

Then it was dad that muttered "Hmm.. What time did you leave KL?" After the Q&A. I was left alone with my bed. hahahaha. my queen size bed. which i flopped on it instantly and sighed in bliss. This is what home feels like.

Honestly. I've always loved the moment when I reach BM and I see my family. It's always fun to see what kind of reaction they would give me.. mum especially.. =) she never fail to amuse me. Call me weird. but hey. It is always THIS moment that I love the most when I'm home.

-1 Ling-